To Do...

Why does sleep elude me at 11:54 pm, but at 2:54 pm I was dozing on the couch as my 3 children caused havoc in my house?!?!?!?

I put my head on the pillow about an hour ago. In the three hours prior to that, and since the kids had been put to bed, I attempted to accomplish a lot of stuff. Somewhere in my brain is the belief that if I accomplish a ton of stuff during the evenings, then maybe I won't feel the need to try to get so much done during the day and instead I can just be the fun mommy who plays all the time. But in reality, I just seem to find more that I should be doing during the day.... the list never ends!!

My current projects include:

• weeding the garden and spreading the last bit of mulch that just got dumped there about 2 weeks ago
• sorting out the 30 boxes of left over STUFF in my garage after my less than successful garage sale
• completing about 8 forms for each of the boys to attend summer camp and tracking down all the required information about medical history etc....
• getting the ball rolling on packing for our camping trip, which means digging all the stuff out of storage, seeing what needs batteries, what needs replacing, and figuring out all the menus etc.

I swear I thought of more while I was "trying" to sleep. Of course, there's a bunch of other stuff flying through my head, like: remembering the items I need to buy for the potluck dinner we're going to this weekend, figuring out which kids are going where this weekend so I can move car seats, the destruction of the bathroom we just refinished AGAIN because the sink pipe was leaking and the toilet wasn't seating properly on the pipe (EWWW!). ANd my head just keeps on going.... ANd next to me, lies a snoring husband completely oblivious to all my thinking, stressing, planning, and obsessing!

The question is, now that I've gotten all this out of my head and written down somewhere safely, will I be able to go to sleep??? Or will I just think of 10 more things that I need to do/remember!!!?!?

TYCTWD

There are tons of acronyms out there....do you know what the one above stands for??

Take Your Child To Work Day.

That was the other 'holiday' celebrated today, besides Earth Day.

I don't remember this holiday from my childhood. That's easily explained... it started in 1993 (according to Wikipedia), the year I graduated high school. So, I never got taken to work with either of my parents. At least not on this official date.

I did go to work with my dad quite a bit during the summer or weekends. He was a university professor, and had lots of flexibility with his job I guess. As long as he taught his classes and did his research, I don't think it mattered if I was there. I recall both his office and his lab (where he did the aforementioned research) on campus. I also remember him bringing work home and doing it in the evenings after dinner. I remember walking down to the secretary's office and that they knew my name. I remember having lunch out at the picnic table with him and his fellow professors (I knew them all by last name, and it took me years to understand why they referred to each other that way!). I remember him playing his classical music as he wrote on his yellow lined legal pads and talked to me about lemna and all kinds of other thrilling things!

I remember my mother's office well too. In my early elementary years, she worked full-time 20 miles from our house and was gone long hours. I vagely recall visiting that office once or twice. By the time I reached middle school, her office was the downstairs 'bedroom' in our house. She worked from home as an independent contractor long before that was the fashionable thing to do! I do remember going with her to drop off projects that she had completed at home. She worked late into the night, and on weekends, to complete the projects to fit them in around other activities that were going on. I can still picture the wall full of technical dictionaries that help her do her job (mostly because the wall is still there and full of them!). I am still amazed by the mere fact that my mother speaks/reads/understands (at various levels) seven different languages!!

I do recall TYCTWD from about 5-8 years ago, when I was working in Human Resources. Part of my job was to coordinate activities for the children who would be coming to work with their parents. You know, fun activities that would keep children interested and entertained, while their parents worked. So what was the point in bringing your child to work with you?

Why am I reminiscing about this? Since this post brought the subject to my attention.

While there are lots of valid points in both the article and the comments, there are also, of course, a few shallow, poorly communicated comments too. In particular this one,

"Kids don't need to be taught to run a household. I'm sorry, but it's not rocket science. It's something that everyone, unless they can afford multiple maids and a personal assistant, has to learn to do sooner or later. So why do they need to do it at age 8? Let them be kids. My parents let me be a kid and didn't "teach" me how to cook, do laundry, or clean the stove, but I learned by watching them, and I can run a household just fine, working outside the home or not.

In my mind, "difficult" is something that only a few people can do well. LOTS of people are good parents, and lots more run a household well, so how "difficult" can it be? I don't want my daughter growing up to think life is difficult."

WOW! There are so many issues to hit in this one small comment.

Yes, it's something everyone has to learn to do sooner or later. I wasn't instantly good at budgeting (talk about a lot of credit card debt right out of college), but it's an important skill to have running a household. What about finding a decent/reliable/honest/trustworthy contractor if you want to have renovations/remodeling done. Lots of people hire contractors only to get "taken to the cleaners" by them! Don't believe me, trying watching "Holmes on Homes" on HGTV. Maybe it's worth helping your children learn how to find a reputable service provider. Or, helping them learn how to mow the lawn, fix the clogged toilet, or vacuum the carpet so they don't have to hire someone to do it, but can handle (at least the basic) responsibilities of home-ownership themselves.

Maybe it's all about the word "teach". Both my boys are learning to cook and do laundry, and a number of other things! At an age appropriate level. Right now that means helping me measure items for a recipe for dinner, loading the dishwasher, or helping carry down the laundry basket and load the machine. They don't know how to do that without some input, supervision, and direction from me. I would call that "teaching". As part of our family, they have a duty to contribute to our family and to help us have a functional household. Let me tell you, if I'm the only one doing laundry, dishes, and cooking we DO NOT have a functional house.....cause I get CRANKY!!! My kids get plenty of chances to "be kids" to play and have fun and dream and imagine. But they also have a right and a responsibility to be a contributing useful member of our family, so they can grow up to do the same for our society!!

I think the most offensive part of the comment to me is that "LOTS of people are good parents". Really? I guess it's all in how you define good. Maybe it's just how flippant this comment sounds. As if it's SO easy to be a good parent....duh! I'm not trying to insult the MANY good parents that are out there. But at the same time, there are many who could use some amount of help, some more than others. Many parents recognize that and they read parenting books, go to seminars, talk with experts, or just talk to other parents. We seek out information, we seek to be "taught" to be the best we can be. I've done all of the above to help myself be a better parent because my kids are worth it! And is "good" really good enough? No matter how good a parent you are, can't you always strive to do better? I want to be the best parent I can be! I worry that if we assume our kids will be good parents, because it's "easy", that they won't realize what a challenge it is to do well, and that it's okay to ask for help if you don't know how to do it (parenting, or anything else).

As a former teacher it frustrated me to no end that I had 4 years of college education, but got little respect from some of the parents at the school I was at because I wasn't a parent. Pardon me, but the last time I checked I had a 4-year degree, and all it took to be a parent was a little action in the backseat of a Chevy!!

If LOTS of people are good parents, there wouldn't be nearly the number of foster children that there are in the US. According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway, "On September 30, 2006, there were an estimated 510,000 children in foster care. " According to ChildHelp, "In 2007, approximately 5.8 million children were involved in an estimated 3.2 million child abuse reports and allegations. " That's way too many not good parents for me! And what about all those children that "fall through the cracks".

In my current situation, I take my children to work with me everyday.....they are my work. (Work that is often devalued by people who work outside the home-but that's a topic for another day.) But what the initial article has brought to my attention is that today, and every other day, it is important for our children to be exposed to all the various career choices that are out there....including being a stay-at-home-parent (whether girl or BOY!).

Yes, I guess 'everyone' can learn to do it, but why not help both our sons and daughters learn to do it well!! Oh, and by the way, life is difficult, but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, so bring on the difficult!

Informed Decisions

Here I am again, in the late night hours, when my head should be on the pillow. Tonight the fault is my own, and a new blog I've been reading. Over an hour ago, I started reading this post, and all the comments following it....and here I am, unable to sleep.

[There are so many levels to this conversation and points that have been made that are swirling around in my brain. I will have to come back to this point another night and go down the other paths.]

Car seat safety is important to me. VERY important. Quite often I contemplate saying something to a parent who I see using (what seems to me) an improper car seat, or not using one at all, or using one incorrectly. Just today during swim class, I contemplated (for the 5th week) telling a mom that her son was too tall for his infant seat, and that the belt was no where near tight enough to restrain him in the event of a crash.

But now I've read the previously mentioned post, I wonder if I did the right thing by not saying anything. First of all, I'm not known for my tact (in fact, I might be known for my lack thereof at times). What don't I know about this parent? Maybe they tighten up the buckle when they put the seat in the car. Maybe they use the infant seat because they can't afford the next size seat or they are waiting for one to be donated to them. Maybe she keeps meaning to go buy the next one but it's hard to get out to the store with two young kids. Maybe it's just easier to use the seat to carry him in to swim lessons (and this was the last week) and now that it's over she'll move him up to the next one. Maybe if I say something to her, she'll feel like yet another mother is judging her and she'll react with anger (or worse!). BUT maybe she has no idea that he's not as safe as he could be and would welcome the information.

It's that last maybe that tempts me to say something, but the one just before that scares me into silence.

I guess if you are making an INFORMED decision it's different. For example, I didn't realize when I moved Trevor to a forward-facing seat at 15 months (and 20 pounds) that I had any other choice. My pediatrician said I could turn him around. So I did. Now I know that it's safer for Izzy to stay rear-facing until she's at least 2, and 35 pounds (based on my car seat). Likewise, I've learned that T & B are both MUCH safer in a 5-point harness, so that's where they will stay (no matter how UNCOOL Trevor thinks it is compared to some of his school buddies!).

BUT...I had to find this information out on my own. By doing the research and reading and talking to experts (who also happens to be a friend!). It wasn't information that was given to me at the hospital, or the pediatrician's office, or anywhere else. It's very hard information to find if you don't know where to look. And how are you even supposed to know to look??!??! I mean if your pediatrician (a person with a higher education) tells you its safe to turn the car seat around, why wouldn't you believe them?

The lack of information really concerns me in this area.... People are told rear-face your child until they are 1 year old; they see booster seats for children who weigh 30 pounds' so they think those are the best/only choice. But it's not.

I can understand that it's not my right to make the decision for you, or my right to judge you for the decisions you have made (I'll try not to at least, but I'm still working on that one!). But I want to help you make the best decision for your child and make sure you have all the information before you make that decision. Is that wrong of me? Is it wrong that I want to help keep a child safe because they can't make those decisions on their own??

Pardon the Interruption

We interrupt this program for a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. Or actually, we interrupt this blog so that Mommy can rant!!!

While the park visit yesterday was mostly fun, I have to get this rant off my chest!! The park was FULL of 12-16 year old kids who were playing chase and hide-n-seek ALL over the park. This particular park is a wooden park that has lots of staircases and turrets and towers.

The big kids were running super fast, jumping over various obstacles, muscling their way over fences, and not paying ANY attention to any of the other people at the park. Oh and they were cursing enough to make me blush (and those of you who know me, know how foul my mouth can be!!). They were making me CRAZY!!!!

I guess I should be glad they were out in the fresh air getting some exercise and not sitting in a basement playing video games or smoking... BUT I was annoyed! Heck there was even a mom there that was ENCOURAGING them.

As I rounded up my boys to leave, I was explaining to them that we were leaving because of the big kids. Because I was worried that they would get hurt. Another mom heard me and came over to chat. She mentioned her son had been kicked in the head by these teens. I was SO livid and I was ready to go scream at all the teens!!!! Don't make Mama Bear mad!!!

But the boys were half way to the car, so I had to leave. Maybe it was for the best that I didn't take on a pack of 16 year old boys.....

We now conclude this test of the Mommy Rant System and return you to your regularly scheduled spring break programming! Thank you for your time!!

Back Handed Compliments

I feel the need to rant... and here is the best place. After all, I'm not sure I could whine about this to any IRL friends (without getting smacked or laughed at) and my darling hubby is tired of hearing me whine (in general, and about this in particular).

I LOVE being pregnant (I know this does not seem like the beginning of a rant... bear with me). I adore being pregnant (partially because I've struggled twice to get pregnant), and really I have VERY easy pregnancies. I know this, and as I've met more and more mom's I appreciate it more and more. I don't get much if any morning sickness(at any time of the day!), I don't have any major health issues (GD, pre-eclampsia, etc.) and I really feel pretty darn good. My neighbor makes fun of me, that even at 2 weeks before my due dates, I'm out walking around the block with the kids, pushing a stroller, and not stopping (summer or winter).

And I believe that most of the time, I convey this. I'm not that overly-perky, in-your-face, way-too-happy girl. But I'm also not the overly whiny girl. If you ask me how I'm feeling or how I'm doing, my answer is usually "Fine". No whining about my aching back, how poorly I slept last night, or my heartburn... but all of those are issues I'm currently dealing with.

Mostly this is because: a) I don't want to seem like a whiner (I wanted to be pregnant, I know what that means comes with it); b) (at least) half the time people ask the question "How are you?" as a way to say hello, and don't actually expect an answer; and c) because I subscribe to the theory that if you act/think positive you will feel better....so I try to think that I feel fine even when my back aches.

By no means am I saying that I don't complain. If you are with me long enough (at the coffee shop for a few hours yesterday morning for example), you will hear me groan as I get up out of my chair, see me shift positions trying to get comfy, and I'll make some snide comments about how much of a beating I'm getting from this kiddo in my belly. I am human!!

Anyway.... that's kind of all background, and not really the point of this rant. My issue at the moment, is people's reaction to my pregnant belly. For those who don't know me, I am the "tall skinny girl". That's just who I am. I'm between 5' 8 1/2" and 5' 9", and not pregnant weigh about 140 pounds. (Yes, really, my height hides that, but it's true). I usually wear a size 10 or 12 jeans. (Again, yes really, my height works to my advantage). I'll put these numbers out here, they are what they are.... I have no issues with numbers.

Here's average pre-pregnant me:


Now, 28 weeks pregnant (6.5 months) here's me:


I've gained 20 pounds to this point. I gained about 30 with both boys.

Yes really. REALLY!

And that's what I'm ranting about. Not the weight gain, but the fact that I KNOW I have to "justify" it. I had to type that "Yes really" there, because 90% of you are sitting at your computers thinking "no way".

I see people, and their first reaction is "No way, you can't be 6.5 months along!" or "Oh, I was that big at like 1 month pregnant!" or "Do you even need maternity clothes?" or "This must be your first baby".

To be blunt.... I'm really REALLY SICK of those comments. What exactly are they supposed to mean? Are you trying to make me feel better in some obscure way? Are you trying to tell me that I look great? Because frankly, that's not how I understand the comments, and how I recieve them or process them. What I hear is that I'm just not really "that pregnant" so I'm either a liar about how far along I am/how much I've gained, or I'm fat and covering it up, or that I'm not feeding my growing baby enough (and therefore a bad mom), or that since I look 'tiny' that I can't feel bad or have any typical pregnancy complaints (aching back, hard to sleep, heartburn, etc.).

Hubby's theory is that people are jealous. They think I look good and they are trying to be nice when they say these things. Sorry, I'm not buying it. But if that is the case, if you want to tell me that you think I look good for this stage of my pregnancy, please feel free. But say it that way, without the "back handed compliments". If you don't want to say that (and that is absolutely fine-I'm not fishing for compliments here), and if you have nothing nice to say..... then DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL!!

Here's my last thought on all this. Yes, my belly may look small. Yes I may have gained less (or MUCH less) weight than most people who are pregnant. But the end result is this... I have a baby in me, who at birth weighs about the same as most other people's babies (T was 6 lbs 13 oz, B was 7 lbs 11 oz). So just cause I LOOK tiny, doesn't mean I have tiny babies. It means that somehow all that kid is squished up inside me somewhere!!! My Dr estimates that I'm measuring right on schedlue, and that my baby weighs about 2 pounds, (the average weight for 28 weeks). So, in fact, the fact that I look "less pregnant" that most 6.5 month pregnant women, seems to me to mean, that I might be MORE uncomfortable (at minimum I'm as comfortable as anyone can be with a little person living inside them!). Because instead of sticking out, this kid is up inside me, pushing my bladder, tummy and lungs, out of her way, and kicking me in the ribs and bladder constantly!!!

Okay.... rant over. I'm going back to being positive! But I think I feel much better now that this is off my chest!! Which has also grown, and is my favorite side-effect of pregnancy and nursing....

Houston, we have a Heartbeat!

Well, FINALLY I've heard it! The baby's heartbeat that is. It's been 12 long weeks, and I was SO looking forward to this morning's appointment.

I switched Dr's this time around. The other Dr delivered both boys, but something was always missing. After 2 pregnancies, and countless office visits, they still couldn't pronounce my name right. Okay, so this happens alot in my life, all the time in fact, but seriously after all the money I've paid you, and I've tried being polite about it, could you at least try. This wasn't the only reason... There was the fact that not just the first time around, but the second time too, and even 30 minutes before B was born, they were PUSHING me to have an epidural. Really pushing, and not respecting my wishes, my past experience, etc. So I decided not to deal with that again.

Instead I'm going to an awesome midwife. She's been great so far, and I've heard good things. She practices in an office with an OB/GYN but I never have to see him, and she will delivery me pretty much guaranteed (unless something goes really haywire-which I just don't anticipate). So I switched and the only down-side I thought, was that they don't to the early ultrasound (that fun internal one), so I couldn't hear the heartbeat last month at 8 weeks.

So, I go to my appointment today, at 9:45 am. I walked in the door at 9:46....oops 1 minute late. Do you know what time I made it out of the waiting room? 10:48. The midwife made it in to the exam room at 11, and by 11:09 I was back in my car. SERIOUSLY??? Yup, seriously. The full story gets even better....

At 10:40, I walked up to the receptionist to ask when I would be seen. After all, I had to pick-up T from school and needed time to get back there. Now, those of you that know me IRL, can imagine that cranky Mommy would be up there biting her head off, being rude and pushy. So what happened? When I tried to talk to her, no words came out, just tears running down my face. I couldn't spit the words out to ask. Who knows why....I'm an emotional basket case right now! 10 minutes later they called me back.

She walks in and asks me how I am. Thru tears (still) I tell her I was crying a lot less an hour ago. She apolgizes for the wait (that's good) and then complains about her tough/busy morning with all her sick patients and double-booked appointments (bad). Bad....because that's not my problem, and it's not what I want to hear right now. So we ran thru the basics, she took out the doppler and listened to the heartbeat, answered my questions and was gone. SERIOUSLY?? And how much is she gonna charge insurance for that? Can I charge her for my time? And my babysitter's time??

I really just wish that when you got there and checked in, they would tell you, "Oh, it's been a busy morning she's running x minutes behind." That gives you the warning you need, the option to reschedule if you have a busy morning, and it's just plain courteous! Maybe I could have run out, done my errands, and come back..... I think next month, I'm going to call first thing in the AM and see if she's running on time or is double-booked. I recall from my days as a dr office receptionist, that a few patients would do this so they didn't have to just sit there waiting (and wasting their time!).

On the plus side, the heartbeat was pure music to my ears. 160 beats per minute to be exact. I knew how much I wanted to hear it, and it didn't let me down. The relief flooded thru me, and more tears too! Only later, when talking to Steve, did he ask, "Just 1 heartbeat?" to which I said yes. I forgot he'd been joking, and other friends too, that we were going to have twin girls just to even things out around here!!! Oh my wouldn't that have been fun!

I think for a few minutes in all the emotion this morning, it also hit me how close I am to the original due date from when I misscarried earlier this year. Baby would have been here on 10/25.... so I'm sure that's adding to my emotional baggage!

3 more people

Yup, 3 more people got good news. A good long time friend, a new friend who has been thru much of what I've been thru, and a blog buddy. Me....not so much.

I'm happy for them all, really. But that's about all I have to say about that....

Maybe I should sell off all my old baby stuff that I'm saving for kid #3 and then I'll need it. Or maybe, I should just get drunk and go hang out in the backseat of a Chevy!!! At least that way, I'll have some fun!

To Do List

Monday sucked, as it became obvious that day, that Project Baby would not succeed this month and needs to go on the 'to-do' list for July, which makes it 12 months that this project has been on the 'to-do' list. And yes, at this point, it feels like a 'to-do' and not a fun little enjoyable moment with my dh!

I thought I'd dealt somewhat with my crabby feelings that arose in response to this on Monday. In fact, I started contemplating the idea that I really only wanted two children. That I was happy with my two little boys (I am), and that our family was complete. I started thinking of the upsides.... almost done with diapers; don't need to get a bigger car that takes more gas (in fact could possibly get a smaller hybrid in fact!); we can go lots of fun places without a stroller; and I can sell all that baby stuff at a huge garage sale and buy something cool and turn the nursery into a playroom. Oh yeah, all my great plans, as a mom of 2 who is done having kids.

Except, apparently, that's not me.....

Today, as I sat at "Open Gym" (free play time in a gymnasium for kids under 5) - watching Blake not play, because Trevor was at camp - I counted. 8 women in the room, not counting me. 2 with newborns in Snugli's strapped to their chests, and 5 at some obvious stage of pregnancy. That left one woman and me... And all of a sudden, sitting there in a gymnasium full of people I didn't know, tears were running down my cheeks.

Tears mostly for the fact that, on top of all the things listed above, that I would have been 5 months pregnant right now, if not for a crappy miscarriage in March. The part of me that believes in fate, figures this happened for a good reason. But a lot of me, can't fathom what that 'good' reason might be.

So, the people in the gym looked away, not knowing what to say. And I wiped my tears, and went on with my day in a blur.... But I'm sad....

And I really don't know if I want to put Project Baby back on my 'to-do' list, because I hate all the stress that it creates. But I know I want to have 1 more, and I don't know what else to do.

Jealousy

I'm jealous. Terrible but true.

I'm jealous of every pregnant woman out there. I so desperately want baby #3, but so far it's not (apparently) 'meant to be'. According to who I might ask!?!?!?

Is it wrong to be jealous of all the loving couples out there who tried to get pregnant, wanted a baby, and got it? Probably.... but I am (even though I try not to be).

Is it wrong to be jealous of all the random teenagers/adults who get pregnant by accident? Maybe....especially when they terminate the pregnancy (as an adoptee, don't even get me started on that topic), or when they just ruin the kids life.....a la Britney Spears and all the stunts she's pulled!!! Okay, maybe not wrong to be jealous in this case!!

I don't know how not to be jealous, and it's making me cranky and crabby and downright bitchy! I owe all my friends who see me regularly huge apologies, because I'm CONSTANTLY bitching about it. CONSTANTLY. So, to those I see regularly (especially those who are preggo or just had a baby), I'm sorry. Truly sorry. You deserve your happiness and to be able to enjoy it and even wallow in it.

I'm really trying to work through these emotions. My kids are taking the brunt of my bad attitude cause I'm around them all day. Bad mommy! My friends are probably really sick of my crabbing and probably run from my presence when the topic, or a pregnant woman, is in my vicinity. It's like I need a restraining order....on myself and my mouth and my bad attitude.

And then I get an email from one of my best friends, I've known her for 22 years, and find out that she has been trying to have a baby for more than 2 years. Then I read blogs of people who tried to have babies, one way or another, for 4 or 8 or more years.

Then I feel guilty.

How dare I, mother of two gorgeous, wonderful, loving, perfect little boys, be cranky that I can't have ANOTHER! How greedy. Especially when such a good friend can't have one. Yes, I had, and am having, my share of 'issues' getting preggo, but still.....when it comes down to it, I have 2 and she can't seem to have 1.

Good luck tomorrow, dear friend. I hope you find some answers! *hug*

Grrrr

I was all ready to post tonight about our great weekend, all the fun stuff we did Friday and Saturday. But then, the kids happened...... GRRRRR!!!

Between 6 and 7:35, each had been in time out about a MILLION times (I'm not exaggerating!) each for the same repeated offenses, and finally there was no reasoning with them. Bath time rescheduled, just throw them in jammies and in bed. No stories, no routine, no nice-ness.... I'm DONE!!! They just made me crazy!!! SO much so, that I just can't write nice happy things about the fun we had..... so I'll have to do that later!!! GRRRRR!