Tuesday, September 8, 2009


Look up sad on thesaurus.com and here's what you get:

bereaved, bitter, blue*, cheerless, dejected, despairing, despondent, disconsolate, dismal, distressed, doleful, down, down in dumps, down in mouth, downcast, forlorn, gloomy, glum, grief-stricken, grieved, heartbroken, heartsick, heavyhearted, hurting, in doldrums, in grief, in the dumps, languishing, low, low-spirited, lugubrious, melancholy, morbid, morose, mournful, out of sorts, pensive, pessimistic, sick at heart, somber, sorrowful, sorry, troubled, weeping, wistful, woebegone

That pretty much covers it.

Max and Maria have been taken after only 19 weeks with their mother. Their fragile hearts and bodies could not make it to join us in this world.

Some of you may say, "they are in a better place now". But really, what would be so wrong with them being here and living a full and happy life with the two wonderful parents they would have had in Linda and Ron. I think that would be a damn wonderful place for them to be.

Some of you may say, "everything happens for a reason". Really??? What on earth could be the reason? Two people who have wished and hoped and prayed for a child for so long. What reason could there be to put them through this.

As another friend put it, " It’s times like these when I have trouble believing in a God." Seriously....

I have spent SO much of today holding my three babies close, and thinking of the one I lost. Holding my kids and hugging and loving them and telling them I love them. To the point, that Trevor asked me if he was in trouble, or if I was leaving on a trip!

Today my heart is so heavy for the loss, the unexplainable tragic loss that has happenend to one one my dearest friends and one of the kindest people I know. So kind, she hates spiders but WILL NOT kill them.....she'll do whatever it takes (including almost dying) to save them and let them live, just not in her shower!

Oh how I wish I could do something....more than just "being a friend", even though I know that has quite a bit of value. I just hate feeling so helpless.

Max & Maria, you are loved, sweet babies. I miss you, even though I never knew you. Linda & Ron, know that you are loved by SO many, and that we all want to help any way we can.

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