I'm jealous. Terrible but true.
I'm jealous of every pregnant woman out there. I so desperately want baby #3, but so far it's not (apparently) 'meant to be'. According to who I might ask!?!?!?
Is it wrong to be jealous of all the loving couples out there who tried to get pregnant, wanted a baby, and got it? Probably.... but I am (even though I try not to be).
Is it wrong to be jealous of all the random teenagers/adults who get pregnant by accident? Maybe....especially when they terminate the pregnancy (as an adoptee, don't even get me started on that topic), or when they just ruin the kids life.....a la Britney Spears and all the stunts she's pulled!!! Okay, maybe not wrong to be jealous in this case!!
I don't know how not to be jealous, and it's making me cranky and crabby and downright bitchy! I owe all my friends who see me regularly huge apologies, because I'm CONSTANTLY bitching about it. CONSTANTLY. So, to those I see regularly (especially those who are preggo or just had a baby), I'm sorry. Truly sorry. You deserve your happiness and to be able to enjoy it and even wallow in it.
I'm really trying to work through these emotions. My kids are taking the brunt of my bad attitude cause I'm around them all day. Bad mommy! My friends are probably really sick of my crabbing and probably run from my presence when the topic, or a pregnant woman, is in my vicinity. It's like I need a restraining order....on myself and my mouth and my bad attitude.
And then I get an email from one of my best friends, I've known her for 22 years, and find out that she has been trying to have a baby for more than 2 years. Then I read blogs of people who tried to have babies, one way or another, for 4 or 8 or more years.
Then I feel guilty.
How dare I, mother of two gorgeous, wonderful, loving, perfect little boys, be cranky that I can't have ANOTHER! How greedy. Especially when such a good friend can't have one. Yes, I had, and am having, my share of 'issues' getting preggo, but still.....when it comes down to it, I have 2 and she can't seem to have 1.
Good luck tomorrow, dear friend. I hope you find some answers! *hug*